State of the Union

In just over a week I will turn 34 years old. For the first time in my life, I am acutely aware that I am aging. I have lines appearing in my face which I never thought I'd see. The Briggs & Noorduyn women age gracefully & relatively wrinklefree is what I've been told (aka the lie I've been sold!). My skin and bones don't heal as quickly as they used to do. Also, I used to be able to sleep 12 hours straight without having to get up to pee - as if that would happen now!

Over the past year or two, I often find myself saying things about very young people which are either unusually wise or totally not empathetic enough, especially considering I used to be quite quirky in my youth myself. Most suprisingly, I often sound like my mother these days, or worse (best?) yet, one of my grandmothers. And not always the really sweet and kind one!

I know that this aging process has been going on non-stop since the day I was born and all, but suddenly it's very real and present in my daily life. Outside of the lines in my face, I actually haven't minded the fact that I'm aging and that it's noticeable. I like myself and my life a hell of a lot better with each passing year. (Plus, if the lines in my face get me down, there's always botox, right?)

I am comfortable in my own skin these days, literally and figuratively. I get along with my family better than ever - mostly because I'm mature enough to understand now that we can love eachother despite our faults and philosophical differences. I've utterly enjoyed seeing my parents become happier now that their nests are empty and their children are taking the world by storm in our own way. Sure, I miss being a super thin and energetic 19 year old from a physical perspective, but there is no way in hell I'd want to go back to that 19 year old state of mind. I was too opinionated, too immature, too impatient, too depressed, too serious and too worried about what other people think of me. I was also not remotely self-aware enough to know that I didn't know everything and that I wasn't always right. Each year I become more aware of how fallible I am. I have come to realise that it's far more about the journey in life than the destination.

Daily life isn't so easy right now. I'm struggling with recurrent illness and as a result, I'm quite depressed. This new digit being added onto my age is felt more succinctly than ever before as I wonder whether or not this is just the start of long-term battles with poor health and depression. Despite the fact I'm unwell and quite down, I still wouldn't swap out the life I have now and the person I am today for the insecurity and false certainty of my younger self. I'll just push through and make do and have faith that there is a lesson to be learned in all of this, and I'll be better off in the end.


  1. How fucking poignant, love!!! I feel the same way...now if only i could quit the tobaccy :-)) Love you

  2. ah, my own annual "woe is me, i'm getting old" blog post is coming up soon. but really? we're kinda awesome, even if we're both getting old and crotchety ;)