floating in an eggshell

So, one of the things we've been doing in my polarity therapy treatments with Suzi are visualizations related to energy transferrance while she's doing various pressure-point massages and general musclework. I know, it sounds hoaky... and at first I thought it was... however there is one visualizatioin we used last week which I've really latched on to and can't get out of my head. She had me envision myself encased in a giant egg shell that has reflective material on the outside to ward off negativity, and a big vacuum hose to suck out all the negative energy from within. In my mind, this huge mirrorball-like eggshell has a cozy burnt-orange glow inside that comforts me, and the eggshell itself is floating in water, bobbing around very gently. I can see the shadow of the water on the sides from within and it feels like an emotional bath.

For some reason when Suzi is working on parts of me such as my feet, shoulders and jaw, I can use this visualization to really relax my breathing and push away all the worries in my tiny little brain. I literally become oblivious and ambivalent to all stress.

I don't WANT it to work. Seriously, I don't. I don't WANT to be one of those hippy types constantly spouting off about herbal this or spiritual that or aura whose-a-whatsit. Much to my dismay, I just can't help buy into this entire approach to physical/emotional therapy. I really truly enjoy it, and in some ways I think it's more impactful on my psyche than any counselling I've ever had, spiritual or cognitive or otherwise. There is just something about getting physical pain and mental pain addressed simultaneously that I just find incredibly soothing and relaxing.

Today, Suzi did some really painful work on my neck and jaw and in the middle of it, I totally lost track of all thoughts about work and focused solely on all the wonderful things I am feeling right now personally. DAMN it felt so good.

So, yes my friends, sadly it appears I am drinking the new age koolaid a bit. And it tastes damn good. :P

woo first post woo

So. Here I am. Yes, blogging. And yes, not on myspace or facebook. Woo.

I am currently undergoing polarity therapy and my lovely therapist, Suzi Wilcoff, recommended I start writing down my feelings whenever I feel blocked or anxious. And I hate hand writing anything...so here I am. Now, let's be clear about these polarity treatments... I am not paying for them. If I were, I would not be going. Not that they aren't helpful - they are incredibly relaxing and cleansing - but I just can't afford shit like this when I could get acupuncture or counselling on my insurance for far cheaper. Alas, it is not I who pays for these sessions, it is the CXO of my company. She's worried about my stress levels and struggles with asthma-like symptoms lately, and gave me four sessions as a gift. Two sessions down now, two to go. And yes, I like it a lot. Not as much as I like the herbal tea Suzi gave me to make at home, but almost as much. And no, I'm not a hippie, new age-ist or any sort of guru following gal. I just like the intimacy of bonding with a complete yet sensitive stranger over my day's woes and getting a massage while we're talking. And did I mention that it's free?

Struggling a lot lately with figuring out my future. Not my long term forever future - I pretty much know where I want that to lead - but the short term what-do-i-do-until-i-move-to-England future. Work sucks. My family vacillates between annoying me and amusing me on a weekly basis. Me and my friends aren't as down depressed and desperate as we all used to be, so we don't spend 3-4 nights a week together anymore. And I have options. Lots of them. Yet I feel completely paralyzed sometimes, like I couldn't walk three feet to my front door let alone handle making a complete life change over the next few months. And I am waiting on a job offer from a past employer in the UK, incredibly incredibly impatiently.

All that sad, I am happy. I'm in love, I'm sure about what I want - more than ever before- and I definitely can't wait to get out of this allergen-infested State as soon as I can. By the way, I can't take my allergy medicine for the next two days because I have testing on Thursday. Which is horrid because the ugly guy on the news just said this week is going to be absolutely killer on allergy sufferers because of hot stagnant weather. Blech.

Later peeps. Gonna drink my herbal tea and force sleep upon my busy mind.

x