long lost friend and fading memories

American night !
Originally uploaded by juliehicks75

There used to be a time when Kraft Macaroni and Cheese was a major staple of my diet. As in at least once per week, usually more often. I would sometimes add shredded cheese, or jalepenos, or tuna or chili but in the end my main love was the boxed mac and cheese itself. And it was a long lasting love affair we had together, probably the longest one in my entire life. Until last June, when we parted ways once I realised how many points M&C has on weight watchers. And alas, I sure did miss this American classic !

I think it's been about a year since I actually ate any Kraft Mac & Cheese. At first it was because of WW, and then it was because I moved to the UK where it's not sold. In April I smuggled two boxes back with me from the States; however I had resisted the urge to eat this dear friend until tonight, a night when Will is out and I can be an indulgent American junk foody with little or no whining.

My plan was to skip lunch so that I was super hungry, then make the M&C for an early dinner and eat the whole box myself. As I boiled the noodles, I was so excited. I added a wee bit of shredded cheddar, some fresh ground pepper and some Cavendar's Greek seasoning and then dove straight into a huge bowl. At first it was bliss, each and every bite more satisfying than the next. For about six bites, that is...Let's just say that I'm SO glad I didn't put a load of salt into it like I would have back home, because apparently my tastebuds are changing here and super salty processed foods like mac and cheese, um, well they kinda gross me out!

I ended up throwing away a little under half of it, which is such a shame considering how much I used LOVE mac and cheese. I mean, seriously, I could eat it five days a week back in the day and now I can barely eat one bowl.

What is wrong with me ? I feel so un-American, so un-me! Couple this with the fact that I could NOT remember the American terms for a couple of food items this week, such as aubergines and sunblushed tomatoes, I am really freaking out about my obviously fading American-ness. I can cope with the changes in my spelling and speech, because I'm basically paid to write emails and talk on the phone all day long and my primary interfaces are English; however losing my American food identity is just completely unacceptable! Next thing you know, I'll prefer tea over coffee and calling cookies 'biscuits' ! And the final step is everyone telling me I 'sound just like Madonna' - fuck that shit !

Time to watch some American cooking shows online and get my new British-leaning self in check. Or maybe I'll watch Scrubs. Enough Zach Braff can cure me, I'm sure of it !!

Geographically Challenged Americans

Now, let me preface this entire entry by stating that I know for a fact that a lot of my American friends totally understand that London is a city in England and that although I don't live there, they accidentally refer to me living there due to the fact I go there a lot and/or they have never really heard of the city where I really do live. This entry is not about those of you in that category...this entry is about the people who seriously have no clue about the United Kingdom's geography in general. Here are some gems that I have encountered with fellow Americans in the recent past. Certain names are not being mentioned as I want to protect the awkwardly innocent. And some of the conversations are being drastically shortened, as you guys can google for yourself.

Example #1:

While home on holiday this month, I had the following conversation:

Anon: "So, how is life in London?"

Julie (laughing): "I'm sure it's great, but I don't live in London."

Anon (confused): "But I thought you moved to England?"

Julie: "Yes, I did. But I don't live in London, I live in Durham."

Anon (silent & confused looking, most likely trying to figure out why I am talking about a city in North Carolina): "Oh."

Julie: "It's in the Northeast of England, 5 hours drive from London."

Anon: "Oh, I guess I didn't realise England was that big."

Julie: "Hmm"

Example #2:

Conversation with a different person, prior to moving to England in November:

Anon: "So, are you going to live in England or the United Kingdom?"

Julie: "Both"

Anon "What does that mean?"

Julie: "It's a long story.... look them both up on google."

Example #3

Yet another conversation of this genre...

Anon: "So where exactly is Durham anyway?"

Julie: "Well, it's in the Northeast. It's actually pretty close to the Scotland border."

Anon: "Oh, really, I didn't know the UK bordered Scotland?"

Julie: "It doesn't. Scotland is PART of the UK. So is England. And they border eachother."

Anon: "Okay I'm really confused now. Where is London then?"

Julie: Long explanation of the nuances of the United Kingdom, Great Britain, England, Scotland, Wales & Northern Ireland

Anon: "You don't know what you are talking about, Ireland is NOT part of the United Kingdom."

Julie: "Ireland and Northern Ireland are different countries."

Anon: "Whatever."

Example #4:

So, about a month ago I rang up TRowePrice the other day to change my address to my Durham flat. Their system didn't accomodate international addresses easily, so I had to go over it with the lady about 4 times to make sure she got it right. She even repeated it back to me one last time so we could ensure the mail would get to me, as frequently Americans incorrectly address mail to me and it takes longer than normal for the Royal Mail to sort it out and get it to me. This week I received a confirmation letter from TRP saying they had changed my address. Here is how the new address read:

Julie Hicks
24 Monument Court
Dh14pd
Durham, London

Um... seriously? London is NOT a country people !! Luckily the dear old Royal Mail figured it out by the post code and the letter was delivered anyway. Really looking forward to calling TRP to correct it - can't wait to explain why London shouldn't be on the address at all. :)

Example #5:

Not the last of the stories I could tell, but it seems silly to belabour this any futher so I'll only give one more example. This took place on a conference call recently, and one of the participants was himself a Brit living in the US. He chose to stay completely silent during the entire conversation though.

Julie: "We're taking the ferry from Newcastle to Amsterdam this weekend, I can't wait."

Anon #1: "Ooh, so you're crossing the English Channel by boat?"

Julie: "Um, no... I'm pretty sure it's the North Sea we're crossing."

Anon #2: "No, I'm pretty sure you have to cross the English Channel to get to Amsterdam."

Anon #1: "Yeah, I crossed it once to get to France and I got SO seasick. I can't believe people actually swim across it!!"

Julie (feeling doubtful now): "Well, I am pretty sure we're not crossing the English Channel. The English Channel is not anywhere near Newcastle. That said, I'm no expert on geography, so maybe I'm confused?"

Now, I'm not saying that I myself was an expert on the structure & geography of the United Kingdom before I met Will, but I was a little more knowledgeable than these folks - and none of these folks are stupid or uneducated at all! They just suffer from the stereotypical American syndrome of geographical naivete. I myself suffer from it, and since moving here, I find myself regularly hearing the name of a country or city I never knew existed. I have to ask Will to explain where it is, or I google it if I'm too embarassed to even ask, usually when with stranger. And so far I have found wikipedia & my iphone to be my lifesavers. Thank God for both!

BTW check this out if you are interested in the real scoop on the UK:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_kingdom

America shopping list

I'm going to be stateside in a little over two weeks and can't wait to do some shopping!

Here is my list so far. Some of this I can't get in the UK at all, others are just way cheaper in the states.

A proper American salon haircut and color (!!)
Flavored cheezits
Canned black beans
Rotelle
Bare Escentuals makeup
Lubriderm lotion
Hazelnut flavoured ground coffee
Any sour candy I can find (!)
Generic Zyrtec
Valerian root capsules
Huge ass bottles of ibuprofen
Kraft macaroni and cheese
Clothes from Banana Republic
New Balance sneakers
Reeses peanut butter cups
Good quality headphones
Skin for my iPhone

Um I'm sure there is more. Got to take an extra bag just in case :)

Sent from my iPhone.

Quick thought on adjective usage...

As I was trying to nap today, I started thinking about how the British use the same words a bit differently than Americans sometimes. A really great example is the word "horny". In America, this adjective is used almost exclusively to describe one's state of mind from a sexual-desire perspective:

"I am feeling horny tonight baby. " --> Translated: I want to get laid.

"Jeff is a real horny bastard sometimes." --> Translated: Jeff always wants to get laid.

"It sucks becaus he's NEVER horny and I ALWAYS am ready to go" --> Translated: She wants to get laid, he doesn't.

In the UK they use this rough little adjective in those same sentences as well, but they've apparently derived another usage where they use "horny" to describe objects directly rather than just a person's state of mind. For example:

"That movie is horny." --> Usually used to describe porn, or sometimes ellicitly sexual scenes within a non-pornographic movie.

"I like that dress. It's horny." --> Basically means that observer thinks the the dress looks really sexy.

"That was a really horny conversation." --> Basically states that a conversation was deemed to be a turn-on.

And so forth...

I'm sure "horny" is not the only word that's switched from single-purpose to multi between our two great countries; however given the fact I'm feeling a bit horny today, it's the first one that came to my mind.